Ouch

Written 12/13/2010

He stabs me, over and over again.

I long for his touch

Alone at his side.

I beg for his kiss

but his lips, he does hide.

My heart aches a bit

While beside him I sit

His face a blank mask

to the favor I ask.

Why must I beg sweetly

When you'll only say no.

Why must I wait calmly

When you never come home.

Why must I ach dully

From the cold in my bed.

And hold back the tears

When you shake your fair head.

What is it you need

to start a fire inside you

to echo the burning need

deep down inside me.

I ask and I preen and I question and still

You give me no answers

Just a No

and Be still.

You are not disturbed

for its not your heart that aches

You don't undertand

the shards as my heart breaks

Why don't you see me

as a blushing young bride

Why don't you want me

playful and quick at your side

Where is your passion

for all things of the flesh

Why don't you want me darling

What else do I have left

but tears and misgivings

as you brush me aside

and I dare not push you

harsh words will not abide

I sit here in sorrow

and debate your true worth

if a freind all I look for

or more than your hearth

Do I need a true life mate

to love me and bring

sweet kisses to my mouth

and not tears that sting

as I hold them inside me

and struggle not to hurt

Oh, God! Please guide me

through this mire of worth.

Do I mean nothing to him.

Does my skin not arouse?

Does my smile do nothing for him.

Does he mentally carouse?

The doubts overwhelm me

with the ache in my heart.

I sit beside him in longing

I've made my request.

Let's go to bed my darling

No, not to sleep.

His silence is my answer

Internally I weep.

Adrift sitting beside him

Blue paints my mind

My skin aches to touch him

As past fucks come to mind.

Why doesn't he want me?!

What is wrong with me now?

I ask how to entice him.

His answers with, "Not now."

I struggle with the betrayal

And lay me head in his lap.

Curled up like a puppy

And feeling beaten at that.

He arm rest along me

And a strange feeling flows

I'm ok with this touching

It sooths me just a bit.

My core still desires him

But this touch will do, for now.

He still has hurt me

And will continue the torture.

And I will retreat to my stories

And fantasize about perfect lovers

That he will never live up to

And I will never expect

But deep down inside me

I just wish he would respect.

How hard it is for me to ask him

A quiet begging for touch.

When my pride is so large

and his is the only one for whom I lust.