Wednesday, August 29, 2012


Written 12/13/2010

He stabs me, over and over again.

I long for his touch
Alone at his side.

I beg for his kiss
but his lips, he does hide.

My heart aches a bit
While beside him I sit

His face a blank mask
to the favor I ask.

Why must I beg sweetly
When you'll only say no.

Why must I wait calmly
When you never come home.

Why must I ach dully
From the cold in my bed.

And hold back the tears
When you shake your fair head.

What is it you need
to start a fire inside you

to echo the burning need
deep down inside me.

I ask and I preen and I question and still
You give me no answers

Just a No
and Be still.

You are not disturbed
for its not your heart that aches

You don't undertand
the shards as my heart breaks

Why don't you see me
as a blushing young bride

Why don't you want me
playful and quick at your side

Where is your passion
for all things of the flesh

Why don't you want me darling
What else do I have left

but tears and misgivings
as you brush me aside

and I dare not push you
harsh words will not abide

I sit here in sorrow
and debate your true worth

if a freind all I look for
or more than your hearth

Do I need a true life mate
to love me and bring

sweet kisses to my mouth
and not tears that sting

as I hold them inside me
and struggle not to hurt

Oh, God! Please guide me
through this mire of worth.

Do I mean nothing to him.
Does my skin not arouse?

Does my smile do nothing for him.
Does he mentally carouse?

The doubts overwhelm me
with the ache in my heart.

I sit beside him in longing
I've made my request.

Let's go to bed my darling
No, not to sleep.

His silence is my answer
Internally I weep.

Adrift sitting beside him
Blue paints my mind

My skin aches to touch him
As past fucks come to mind.

Why doesn't he want me?!
What is wrong with me now?

I ask how to entice him.
His answers with, "Not now."

I struggle with the betrayal
And lay me head in his lap.

Curled up like a puppy
And feeling beaten at that.

He arm rest along me
And a strange feeling flows

I'm ok with this touching
It sooths me just a bit.

My core still desires him
But this touch will do, for now.

He still has hurt me
And will continue the torture.

And I will retreat to my stories
And fantasize about perfect lovers

That he will never live up to
And I will never expect

But deep down inside me
I just wish he would respect.

How hard it is for me to ask him
A quiet begging for touch.

When my pride is so large
and his is the only one for whom I lust.

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